My War Dream

Ordinarily, I would not post one of my dreams here, but this one seemed to reach the pinnacle of fine literature, so here it goes:

I dreamed I was drafted into the U.S. army and put aboard a train in a boxcar with a number of other recruits. They handed out our weapons, and they gave me a green b.b. gun. "What the hell can I do with a b.b. gun?" I asked myself.

I noticed another soldier looking out of the boxcar door, holding a map in his hand. I went over to him. "Here's where we're going," he said, pointing to a spot on the map. "Why that's in the United States," I said. "Yeah," he replied. "It's a civil war. A bunch of tea-partiers and NRA nuts are trying to take over the government."

"Crap," I thought. "They'll probably have real guns."

We reached our destination and jumped off the train. I was running with my green b.b. gun through a trench.

Suddenly, a beautiful girl in a white bikini ran up to me. She was holding a small step-ladder. She looked at me, panic-stricken. She had beautiful almond eyes. I recognized her, I knew her. She grabbed my arm to make me stop. She set down the step-ladder, quickly climbed to the top of it, and immediately stuck her bikini-clad butt directly into my face.

"Quick," she shouted. "Bite my ass!"

"What?" I cried.

"Just do it," she yelled. "It's a trap! They're watching!"

I looked back behind us and saw a group of people, crouching and staring at us. So that was their plan! They were sending beautiful girls out in bikinis to stick their butts in soldiers' faces, knowing that they couldn't help but bite them. However, each butt was booby-trapped with a bomb, and it would blow the man's head off when he bit.

"Go ahead, bite!" She screamed. I looked down at her butt and I could see the device protruding from beneath her buns in the bikini. "No, it'll kill me!" I cried. "It's okay, she said. "It's a dud. Hurry, they're watching!"

So I bit it. Bang! There was a small explosion with smoke everywhere, but I was okay. She had been telling the truth.

"Come on," she said, and picked up the step-ladder. We began running together.

We ran around to the other side of a hedge where they couldn't see us. I saw many people running this way and that. Our side had green guns, their side had red ones. But many people weren't carrying guns and I couldn't tell who's side people were on. So we hid behind a tree.

I finally decided that if I just walked away nonchalantly that perhaps nobody would notice me and I could get away that way. So I started out, whistling and trying to hide my gun.

Suddenly a large aircraft descended from the sky with tentacles. One of the tentacles wrapped tightly around me and began pulling me up to the ship.

Then a giant aerosol can appeared from below and pointed itself directly towards my face. It began talking to me in an evil, menacing, mechanical voice, but I couldn't understand what it was saying. Then, without further warning, it began spraying me, covering my head completely with some sort of liquid chemical. I had a hood with goggles that I was supposed to be wearing, but I couldn't get it on. Finally, I was pulled inside the plane.

It was one of ours. I saw my friend Blake standing there in a uniform. "Goddam, I'm soaked!" I hold him. My hair and head were dripping wet from the spray. "What was that?" I asked him. He looked down and quietly turned away. I asked him again. "I don't know," he whispered, but I could tell he was lying.

I looked to my left and saw another young soldier who had just come aboard. He was wearing a helmet. He slowly undid the chin strap and took it off. Although he was a young man, he was completely bald. Not only that, but his scalp had withered and sunk into the top of his skull on top of his head and on both sides. He looked like a horrible, scarred freak.

I turned back to Blake. "Is that what's going to happen to me?" I shrieked. Blake still wouldn't speak. "Hey!" I shouted. "Was he sprayed with the same thing I was?" Blake kept his eyes down, but slowly, sadly, shook his head and whispered, "yes."

I turned back to the freakish young man in horror. He looked me in the eyes and said, "I shore hope it don't burn yore head as bad as it burned mine. It was sheer hell."

I turned back to Blake. I began to feel my scalp tingling and burning.

I started to scream.

Then I woke up.

Anybody else ever have this dream? I'm wondering what it meant.